Wrong Again
by Jade-Max
Summary: Long Songfic - Focus on Padmé through Ep2 and into Ep3 speculation for the decline in their relationship. 14 parts- Completed!
1. Part 1

Nov 2002 Disclaimer 1: It all (SW) belong to Lucasfilm, I don't own it.  
  
Disclaimer 2: The song is by Martina McBride and I don't own that either :P I removed one line "It happens to alot of men" because it didn't fit in the context of the story.  
  
AN: Anakin/Padmé & Padmé/Bail story, focused mostly on Padmé through AOTC (with some creative license) and into Ep3 speculation. The Song lyrics are in *'s at the beginning of each part.  
  
WARNING: When I ran this through the JC boards I was accused of making several people cry. It starts romance and moves into -extreme- Angst. You've been warned.  
  
Wrong Again  
  
Part 1  
  
*From the day we met You made me forget, All my fears.*  
  
Padmé stared out across the vista of Coruscant, her gaze taking in the speeder traffic. A kaleidoscope of colors and sounds, it whirled around in a senseless pattern. Someone was trying to kill her. She'd been the leader of the opposition for over a year now, and threats were nothing new. Now, with the final vote approaching, someone had decided they wanted her dead. The building of an army was important enough to silence her. Permanently. The doors opened behind her and she looked back as Jar Jar and the Jedi entered the apartment. Jedi. She almost shook her head at the foolishness of it all. She didn't need, or want, more protection. She wanted answers.  
  
She found a smile for them, however, as she approached and offered her hand. "It has been far too long, Master Kenobi," she said warmly, glad to see him despite the circumstances. There was a handsome young man standing behind him, one that seemed vaguely familiar, but it couldn't be, could it? She had to know. "Ani?" as soon as she said his name, she knew she was right. "My goodness, you've grown."  
  
He smiled back, coming to stand near her and she blushed softly as he stuttered a compliment. He was clumsy, and it was probably the most backwards compliment she'd ever received, but it warmed her heart. "Ani, you'll always be that little boy I knew on Tatooine." She told him sincerely before turning to take a seat on the couch. Dormé sat to her right, Jar Jar on her left, the Jedi across from her as Captain Typho remained standing. She registered his words, yet it wasn't what she was focusing on. Anakin was staring at her intently.  
  
"I don't need more security," she said finally, looking at Obi-Wan and Anakin, "I want answers. I want to know who's trying to kill me."  
  
Anakin's words again warmed her heart, even as they contradicted his Master's statements. She watched as they debated their instructions, feeling somewhat intrusive for it. This should have been a private discussion between Master and apprentice, even if Anakin's vow had been for her. She's recognized the sincerity in his tone, the determination. He wouldn't let anything happen to her. She didn't remember what she said next, but it obviously worked and the Jedi both stood as she did, Anakin's gaze following her completely. She met his gaze briefly before continuing to walk towards her bedroom.  
  
It was days like these where she almost regretted choosing to serve as a senator. Days where she lived in fear for her life and lost friends. These were the days she wanted to lay it all down. Stepping into her room, she gently rubbed her temples. She was thankful when Dormé entered and helped her out of her gown. Sometimes she really hated wearing the gowns of her position. Shaking her hair free from the restricting coiffure, she allowed it to tumble to her waist. Slipping into her nightgown, she pulled a robe over top it and sat at her vanity. She hummed softly as she began to brush out her hair, hearing the Jedi moving around in the main room, checking the security.  
  
A knock sounded on her door a few minutes later, the sounds in the outer room having ceased. "Come in."  
  
The door opened to reveal Anakin, and she stood, quickly belting her robe.  
  
"I'm sorry to disturb you, M'Lady, I just wanted to check the windows."  
  
She nodded, motioning him to come in and he hesitantly stepped inside. "You can call me, Padmé, Ani. We're still friends."  
  
She saw him swallow hard before going to check the locks and security system on the windows. "Thank you."  
  
"Why don't you just turn them off?" she asked conversationally, picking up her brush again and pulling it through her hair.  
  
He stopped, looking up at her from his couched position by the floor security beams. "Why?"  
  
"Well, you did say we'd try and catch the assassin, right?"  
  
"I said we'd find out who's trying to kill you," he corrected. "I'd like to catch him, or her, but if Master Obi-Wan doesn't agree there's not much I can do."  
  
"And if it's my idea?"  
  
He stood slowly, looking at her speculatively. "What'd you have in mind?"  
  
She tried to ignore the extra emotions she could see in his eyes. She felt comfortable with him, yet when he looked at her like that... She fought it away, focusing on the task at hand. "Use me as bait for a trap. I'll program R2 to warn us if there's an intruder. We'll shut off the window security system to give whoever wants me dead the opportunity to kill me, hopefully catching them in the process. If we can, we'll be able to find out who they're working for."  
  
He appeared to think it over before nodding slowly. "If you're sure."  
  
She nodded, "I'm sure. I don't like living my life with the threat of death hanging over me."  
  
He smiled then and her heart jumped, but she ignored it. "Alright. I'll tell Master Obi-Wan when he comes back. Sleep well, Padmé."  
  
She turned back to her mirror, feeling his gaze on her, knowing he was watching her.  
  
"And Padmé?"  
  
She turned to look at him questioningly. His features were solemn, fierce, his blue eyes blazing with determination. "I won't let anything happen to you. I promise."  
  
She smiled. "With you and your Master watching out for me, I'll be able to sleep well tonight. Good night Anakin."  
  
He turned and left her room then. Padmé turned back to the mirror but set the brush down. With Anakin watching over her, the expression on his face clear in her mind, she knew she'd be safe. Protected. For the first time in over a year, Padmé Amidala wasn't afraid to sleep. 


	2. Part 2

Nov 2002 Disclaimer 1: It all (SW) belong to Lucasfilm, I don't own it.  
  
Disclaimer 2: The song is by Martina McBride and I don't own that either :P I removed one line "It happens to alot of men" because it didn't fit in the context of the story.  
  
Part 2  
  
*Knew just what to say, And you kissed away, All my tears.*  
  
She sat on her bunk, her eyes closed, as they traveled aboard the refugee transport to Naboo. That was the problem with long space flights, they gave her too much time to speak. She rubbed her forehead, trying valiantly to fight back the tears that threatened. Cordé. Yet another friend she'd lost in a long list of friends. Sabé, Rabé, Eirtaé, Yané and Saché. Yané was the only one of the six who might still be alive and chances of that were slim. And now Dormé was taking her place again. Another friend's life put on the life for her.  
  
Gentle hands slid around her shoulders and she looked up, startled. Anakin's compassionate blue eyes met hers. "I'm sorry about Cordé," he told her softly.  
  
She blinked away her tears, finding a tumultuous smile for him. "That wasn't your fault."  
  
"I know," he knelt in front of her, searching her gaze. "I'm still sorry you had to lose her."  
  
Padmé blinked rapidly before stretching out her arms and wrapping them around his neck. His arms slid around her, holding her as she ducked her head against his shoulder. There was a tension in his frame, the soothing motion of his hands rubbing her back comforting her. She'd always been strong, yet for some reason Cordé's death had hit her harder than the others. Maybe it was simply that she didn't need to be reminded of her own mortality, maybe it was that she'd died protecting her, another casualty of a senseless war. She held Anakin tightly, allowing herself to be comforted by his presence.  
  
"I won't tell anyone if you want to cry, Padmé."  
  
"I can't."  
  
He pulled back, a gentle half-smile on his lips. "You can. I promise I won't tell anyone."  
  
She laughed then, lifting one hand to brush her eyes. "Thank you, Anakin."  
  
He nodded, his hands slipping from her reluctantly as he stood. "I'll always be here if you change your mind."  
  
"I'm fine, really." She reached out and gently squeezed his hand. "Thanks."  
  
He gave her a long look before nodding and turning on his heel. Stepping out of the room, he left her to her thoughts.  
  
  
  
Padmé wasn't sure what to make of Anakin as they stepped up to the rail of the lake retreat. She barely registered what she was saying to him, simply enjoying his company. She felt the brush of his hand on hers and glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. She swallowed hard, fighting against the tension rising in her body. His touch was like standing too close to an electrical current and made her shiver. She forced it down, keeping her gaze focused on the island in the middle of the lake. The soft touch on her back almost made her jump and she looked up to find him staring at her with his deep blue eyes.  
  
She read promises in them. Promises of passion, of devotion. Of love. She searched his eyes, certain she was seeing things, unable to speak. She watched, not moving, as he came closer, his eyes darkening with their intensity. Her face tilted towards his as he came too close, her eyes closing slowly as his head came towards hers. She wanted this. His lips slowly and gently settled on hers, almost innocent in their exploration. Heat spiraled through her, sending goose bumps across her skin and curling her toes. She tilted her head, allowing him better access to her lips and kissing him back. The energy flowing through her veins thrilled her, washing away all the sorrow and darkness of the previous days. It made her long for more, for-  
  
"No." she pulled away suddenly, realizing what she was doing. "I shouldn't have done that."  
  
She barely heard his apology, which sounded more like a confused question, and felt guilty. She couldn't encourage him, no matter how much she wanted to. Staring back across the lake, she took a deep breath, trying to calm her racing heart. That kiss, as innocent as it had been, had held darker undertones. Undertones of passion and promise. She couldn't allow that to happen. There was just no way they could ever have anything more. Yet, at the same time, she was thankful for the kiss. It had helped remind her than there were things worth living for. 


	3. Part 3

Nov 2002 Disclaimer 1: It all (SW) belong to Lucasfilm, I don't own it.  
  
Disclaimer 2: The song is by Martina McBride and I don't own that either :P I removed one line "It happens to alot of men" because it didn't fit in the context of the story.  
  
Part 3  
  
*I knew this time I had finally found Someone to build my life around.*  
  
She'd watched him with her family and knew he fit in. Watching him now, showing off with the shuura fruit despite knowing his master wouldn't approve, she wondered if she'd ever find someone who could make her laugh like he did. Anakin cut the fruit and gently lifted it into the air, telekinetically picking it up from the plate and floating it across the table to her.  
  
Her heart skipped a beat at his boyish smile and she plucked the fruit from the air, taking a bite. She wanted more time with him, more moments of fun and laughter, moments where she could be carefree. It was an unlikely event, one she couldn't see happening too often, yet she longed for them more because of it. She returned his smile, laughing softly as she understood the underlying reason for his theatrics. She was flattered and a little shy knowing he was simply showing off for her. He had been since they'd shared their kiss on the terrace, and she wasn't afraid to admit that it pleased her to have him doing so. True, his stunts could be worrisome, like the one with the shaak that afternoon. He'd never know exactly how terrified she'd been when she'd seen him lying so still in the grass.  
  
Even now, hours later, the thought of his still body was enough to make her shiver. She didn't want to think of him dying. Anakin Skywalker was too much of a free spirit to be caged or caught. He deserved to be running wild and free. Which made him all that much more of an enigma. As a Jedi he needed to be in control of himself and yet he was frequently pushing the boundaries of it. Padmé admitted to herself, privately, that she could easily fall for the impetuous young man. If she hadn't already. Her heart skipped a beat as she accepted his hand up from the table, feeling a thrill run through her body as she touched his skin. Would it always be so?  
  
She pushed away the thought, enjoying his company as he led her towards the living room. The hearth was dark and the atmosphere was light as they sat.  
  
"Did you enjoy yourself today?" Anakin asked easily, not seeming to be able to meet her gaze.  
  
Padmé nodded, ignoring the sudden tension in his shoulders. "I did, thank you. For a Jedi protector you certainly seem dead set on making sure I enjoy myself."  
  
He smiled shyly. "What can I say, I like to make you happy."  
  
She smiled, tilting her head at him and watching the way the shadows of the setting sun played across his features. He was very handsome, her Anakin. Wait a second, her Anakin? Where had that come from? She watched as he suddenly got to his feet and went to the hearth, beginning to lay the pieces for a fire.  
  
Padmé took the opportunity to study him without too much fear of discovery. He was crouched at the fireplace, seemingly absorbed in his own thoughts and she looked her fill. He'd filled out well. A tall, lanky young man with the smile of the boy she remembered so well. She tried to bring his picture to her mind and found instead the image of the man before her. His quirky smile, quick laugh and devastatingly handsome face. She even loved the way his padawan braid hung over his shoulder. She couldn't deny the thrill that ran through her system at every look; every touch. She frowned. She was a Senator, he was studying to become a Jedi, could they really have a future together if they wanted? Could they make it work if that's what they wanted? She took a deep breath. Anakin would fit so well into her life if she let him, if she was willing to make the sacrifices.  
  
He sat next to her again, the fire blazing in the hearth. She could feel the heat on her shoulders and reached up to remove the wrap. The black fabric was placed on a nearby table as she sat half turned towards him. Their knees were almost touching and she suddenly felt choked, almost as if something huge was going to happen.  
  
The sun dipped beyond the edge of the mountains and she didn't notice, the darkness of the room broken only by the flickering flames of the fire. She felt the apprehension radiating from Anakin and wondered if he'd try to kiss her again. She hoped he would, and yet, at the same time, that he wouldn't. She couldn't allow her emotions to spin out of control and be heedless of the circumstances. When he began to speak, his words caught her attention right away, his eyes locking with hers. She felt her mouth go dry as she listened and watched him bare his heart to her.  
  
"From the moment I met you, all those years ago, not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of you," his gaze was intense, open. Padmé could see what he was saying and knew that it was the truth. "And now that I'm with you again, I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you, I can't breathe. I'm haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me. My heart is beating, hoping that that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me. What can I do, I will do anything that you ask."  
  
She stared at him shocked, speechless as his words cut through her. Was her presence in his life really that influential? She knew it was true; she could see it on his tortured face. She studied his features, unable to help feeling the same as what he was describing. The closer she got to him, the more terrified she became. The more terrified of losing him, of not being able to see him; of not loving him. She was opening up to her, begging her with his eyes to tell him he wasn't mistaken. She looked away, the jumble of emotions running through her system a private battle. She, too, was haunted by their kiss. It should never have happened, but it had, and she wanted little more then it to happen again.  
  
But where would it lead? They couldn't have a future together, no matter how well they could build one, due to their stations. Where would a future with them lead? Where could it lead?  
  
He met her gaze again, and she could see the struggle in his face. "If you are suffering as much as I am, please, tell me." His words were a plea, though they were spoken more as a demand. He'd just offered her his heart and she couldn't speak.  
  
She shook her head slightly, "I can'... we can't. It's... just not possible." She forced herself to say the words, knowing in her heart that they were true. She could build her life around Anakin, and it would never work because of their sect separation.  
  
"Anything is possible, Padmé, listen to me."  
  
"No, you listen." She pushed herself off the couch, needing to get away from him suddenly. She couldn't think clearly, think about what was best for them, not what they wanted, with him sitting so close. "We live in a real world, come back to it. You're studying to become a Jedi, I'm... I'm a senator." She fought against her heart, knowing in her mind that this was for the better. She had to make him see that a future between them was something that was impossible, no matter how much they wanted it. "If you follow your thoughts through to conclusion, they will take us to a place we cannot go." She paused, unable to tell him, even in the midst of being sensible, that she didn't care for him. "Regardless of the way we feel about each other."  
  
"Then you do feel something!"  
  
She almost winced at his hopeful statement. She couldn't encourage him, no matter how much she wanted to. "I will not let you give up your future for me."  
  
"You are asking me to be rational, that is something I know cannot do." She stared at him, unable to believe that this strong young man in front of her was the same loveable boy she'd first met on Tatooine. When had he become so forceful, so demanding of what he wanted? "Believe me, I just that wish I could just, wish away my feelings. But I can't."  
  
She met his gaze, fighting against the responding feelings rising in her throat. She wanted to tell him to never wish for something like that, to keep on feeling the way he did for her. She wanted this, wanted him, and she couldn't have him, regardless. She inhaled softly. "I will not give in to this."  
  
She swore she saw his heart breaking as he turned to leave and she wanted to reach out, grab him and hold him until he understood she felt the same way. But she couldn't. She couldn't allow him to see the weakness he caused in her. She had to be strong, for both of them, if they wanted any chance at accomplishing their dreams. Jedi couldn't marry. Padmé knew this. As much as she wanted him, as much as he completed her, she wouldn't let him destroy the dream he'd been working for since their meeting ten years ago. She saw him pause in the doorway and almost screamed. Why couldn't he just let this go, didn't he feel what he was doing to her by forcing her to reject him?  
  
"Well, you know, it wouldn't have to be that way."  
  
She eyed him, wondering what he meant. Wouldn't have to be like what. No matter their relationship, nothing would work between them, surely he had to know that.  
  
"We could keep it a secret."  
  
She felt the surprise first, then the "We'd be living a lie. One we couldn't keep even if we wanted to. I couldn't do that. Could you Anakin, could you live like that?" She wanted to scream, but couldn't let herself. Why couldn't he just let this go? She wanted the same things he did, wanted to take a chance on their relationship but couldn't. Duty forbade it.  
  
"No. You're right. It would destroy us."  
  
She almost cried when he looked at her again, seeming to accept her word and reasoning. He was accepting her words, their rationality, and she wanted him to keep fighting against her. She wanted him to keep trying to change her mind, to resist her logic with passion. He slowly nodded before turning to leave. Padmé could see the dejection, the rejection and reluctant acceptance in his posture. She waited until she couldn't see or hear him anymore before turning back to the fire and closing her eyes. They stung with unshed tears. She bowed her head slightly, swallowing a couple of times before she regained control of her emotions. She couldn't allow herself to think with her heart. If she did, they'd both be torn asunder.  
  
The last thought she had, which stayed with her as she turned to return to her room, was that she could easily build her life around his if it came down to it. Anakin and she were well matched; she was just terrified to take that leap. 


	4. Part 4

Nov 2002 Disclaimer 1: It all (SW) belong to Lucasfilm, I don't own it.  
  
Disclaimer 2: The song is by Martina McBride and I don't own that either :P I removed one line "It happens to alot of men" because it didn't fit in the context of the story.  
  
Part4  
  
*Be a lover and a friend.*  
  
Padmé stepped from the Lars homestead and into the stark landscape of sand as she looked around. She found Anakin standing several yards from the main entrance. She walked towards him, seeing the pain in his features, the determined set of his jaw. He couldn't be talked out of this course of action. Did she really want to try? She searched his features as she neared, feeling the concern for him overcoming her good sense. She stopped a foot or so from him, looking up into his eyes and feeling the anguish radiating off him in waves. Anguish mixed with purpose. He wasn't going to fail.  
  
She felt tears gather in her eyes as he began to speak. "You're going to have to stay here. These are good people Padmé, you'll be safe."  
  
He was leaving her. Leaving her to find his mother and follow a trail that was over a month old. He was taking on a momentous task that he couldn't say no to, regardless of the odds. She twisted her fingers together anxiously. She'd worry while he was gone. "Anakin." She choked, stretching out her arms to him. She needed this. Needed contact to let herself know he was safe.  
  
Anakin enfolded her in a hug and Padmé buried her face in the curve of his neck. She didn't want to lose him, not now. Not when she was just beginning to realize exactly how much he truly meant to her. While he was in her arms he was alright, the world couldn't touch him, but once he left she could lose him forever. She squeezed her eyes shut, tightly holding him to her before she felt his grip begin to lessen. She drew away reluctantly, tears shimmering in her eyes. Their gazes locked and for a half second, their faces inches apart, she wanted to lean in and kiss him. For luck, for fortune. In case he never came back. She bit her lip instead, pulling away. He wouldn't thank her for it. Anakin was determined to go on his quest.  
  
He stepped back and her hands fell from him reluctantly, her heart pounding painfully. She had to control herself, yet she couldn't. Not with the myriad of feelings swirling through her.  
  
"I won't be long."  
  
It's been too long already. She found herself thinking as he walked away, his cloak billowing out behind him. She watched, her heart in her throat as he straddled the speeder bike and sped away. Padmé stared after him, his small form disappearing into the Tatooine desert like a speck in space. She turned, gazing at the sunset, her hands folded in front of her. Silently she asked the powers he wielded to grant him a swift and safe return. Anakin Skywalker had always been her friend, but now she found she needed him for something more. If he never came back, she was certain her heart would break.  
  
  
  
It would be the next afternoon before she saw him again. Anakin had brought home the body of his mother. He entered the hut without saying a word, and Padmé felt her heart go out to him as she read the conflicting emotions on his face. Sorrow, anger, determination, defeat and satisfaction. There were more, but she couldn't identify them. Her heart went out to him as he carried the body of his mother into the homestead. She and the Lars's slowly followed, Padmé going directly to the kitchen.  
  
When she found him again, it was in the garage. Anakin was fiddling with one of the broken machinery pieces, his attention seemingly too focused. She held the tray up, "I brought you something." He didn't even look at her, and she couldn't blame him. Anakin had suffered a momentous loss; one that she wished she could soften somehow. "Are you hungry?" she kept her voice quiet, subdued like her feelings. She'd meet Shmi, remembered her as a loving woman, and admired her for her courage. Anakin wasn't the only one who was feeling her loss, yet she couldn't indulge in her own grief. Anakin needed a friend right now and, as he'd been there for her, she would now be here for him.  
  
"The shifter broke. Life seems so much simpler when your fixing things."  
  
She placed the try on a piece of machinery, needing to do something with her hands before she looked back to him.  
  
"I'm good at fixing things. Always was. But I couldn't."  
  
Her heart was open, bleeding with his as he spoke, feeling the pain and anguish in his words.  
  
"Why'd she have to die? Why couldn't I save? I know I could have."  
  
"Sometimes there are things no one can fix." She stepped further into the room, wanting to go to him, to wrap him in her arms and tell him everything would be alright. She wanted to be the shoulder he cried on while he fought to get past his pain. "You're not all powerful Ani."  
  
"Well I should be. Someday I will be. I will be the most powerful Jedi ever. I promise you. I will even learn to stop people from dying."  
  
She looked at him shocked. He hadn't meant that, had he? "Anakin."  
  
"It's all Obi-Wan's fault, he's jealous. He's holding me back!" Anakin threw the wrench he'd been holding, sending it clattering into the shadows of the garage.  
  
She tried to sort through the nuances in his speech; something was wrong. Horribly wrong, and it went much deeper than just losing his mother. Whatever it was, she could tell it was tearing him apart inside. She had to know, had to get him to tell her. "What's wrong Ani?"  
  
She saw him hesitate, almost as if he wasn't sure if he should tell her. His words were quiet when he began to speak again, almost like he couldn't believe them himself. "I... I killed them. I killed them all. They're dead. Every single one of them. And not just the men. But the women and the children too."  
  
He'd done what he said, she could see it in his eyes and it shocked her completely. Anakin, her sweet Anakin, had slaughtered a village of Tusken Raiders because they'd taken his mother from him. She wanted to recoil, to hide from his words, but couldn't. She'd asked, and she'd received her answers. She couldn't look away from his eyes as he spoke, seeing the raw suffering that was eating at his heart. Anakin knew what he'd done and it was killing him.  
  
"They're like animals and I slaughtered them like animals. I hate them!" He almost yelled the words at her, as if daring her to judge him, to find him wanting. He seemed to deflate then, slowly lowering himself to the floor, unable to look at her.  
  
Padmé looked down at him, fighting with herself. He deserved to be comforted, needed it. What he'd done appalled her, terrified her a little, but he was still human. He'd just lost his mother. No matter what else she felt because of his actions, he was still Anakin. She knelt next to him, waiting until he looked at her as she spoke her words softly. "To be angry is to be human."  
  
He shook his head, tears shining in his eyes. "I'm a Jedi. I know I'm better than this."  
  
Padmé watched as he seemed to collapse, sobs suddenly wracking his body as the tears slid down his cheeks. She pulled him into her arms, gently cradling him and let him cry. The torment she'd seen on his face when he'd last spoke eating away at her heart. Never had she felt more for a person than she did at that moment. She couldn't tell him, maybe she could never tell him as he cried on her shoulder, but she would show him. Holding him close, she allowed her touch to speak for her. She loved him, even then, especially then, and only hoped her presence could help lessen the pain of his actions. As a lover, or a friend, she accepted him. Flaws and all, without them, he wouldn't be her Anakin. 


	5. Part 5

Nov 2002 Disclaimer 1: It all (SW) belong to Lucasfilm, I don't own it.  
  
Disclaimer 2: The song is by Martina McBride and I don't own that either :P I removed one line "It happens to alot of men" because it didn't fit in the context of the story.  
  
Part 5  
  
*After all my heart had put me though, I knew that it was safe with you, What we had would never end.*  
  
Padmé checked the tension on the binders holding her wrists together as the Geonosian chained them to a side of the hover cart. Anakin wasn't inside yet, though he was standing just beyond her vision waiting to be tied up the same as she. She could feel his gaze on her, those blue eyes watching her movements and cataloguing them. Her heart jumped into her throat as he was escorted to stand next to her, not touching, just out of reach, as he'd been since their discussion at the Lake retreat. He was honoring her wishes and she hated him for it. She didn't want a distant stranger; she wanted the warm, loving young man she'd seen at her parent's house. The show off who'd tried to ride a shaak and played with her fruit when he knew it would have gotten him in trouble if his Master had been around. She wanted the rogue and rebel her heart had first fallen for.  
  
She wanted everything he promised every time he looked at her; the passion and abandonment. She wanted him to look at her, to tease her, like he had before her rationalization of their relationship. She wanted it both ways and knew it could never happen. Their lives were about to be cut short, to be destroyed by an event they'd tried to avoid. Caught and chained like animals, they were going to be executed. Executed for espionage, for trespassing. Most of all executed for being in the wrong place at the right time.  
  
She'd never have the chance to feel his arms around her again, to feel his lips on hers. She'd never be able to tell him how she felt. She stopped there as Anakin was secured in the sled with her. She didn't want to die, but then, she wasn't truly living. She hadn't been since the day he'd walked back into her life with his promises of protection. She'd been a whole person, never realizing what was missing from her life before he returned. And now...  
  
"Don't be afraid."  
  
She looked up at him, her eyes wet with tears, a part of her marveling at his composure. "I'm not afraid to die." His eyes held an almost proud expression for her courage and she hated to have to disillusion him. It wasn't courage that made her unafraid of death; it was the slow, torturous death her soul had been going through since his return. Her spirit was already dying, the death of her body would simply speed the process along. "I've been dying a little bit each day since you came back into my life."  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
She could tell she'd confused him with her soft truth, but was resolved. She had one chance, this chance, to tell him how she truly felt. It was now, or never. She almost smiled. He truly had no idea what she was speaking about. He had no idea the feelings she felt for him. And a part of her cried. Was she so good an actress he hadn't realize her feelings for him? "I love you."  
  
"You love me?"  
  
She watched the emotions flicker across his expressive features. Longing, hope, disbelief, amazement and so many others. Mostly, she saw shock. Whatever he'd expected her to say, it hadn't been a declaration of love. Her heart swelled, overflowing, as she watched him. She wanted nothing more than to be held by him at that moment, to hold him in return and assure him that what she was saying was true. He searched her eyes, obviously seeing something he couldn't comprehend as he turned his face away, fighting against the impact of her words. She saw him inhale sharply and knew he'd accepted her decision so completely, that her abrupt change of heart was throwing him for a loop.  
  
"I thought that we had decided not to fall in love." His gaze came back to hers and she saw his inner struggle. He was fighting against her words, now and previously spoken, trying to rationalize, to find some kind of balance. He was fighting against wanting to believe her and not believing her; doubting his senses as to her words. "That we would be forced to live a lie and that it would destroy our lives.  
  
She held his gaze, her own serious, "I think our lives are about to be destroyed anyway." She saw his almost imperceptible nod; he knew as well as she did that there was a good chance both of them were about to die. She couldn't let him go on believing she cared nothing for him. She looked deeply into his eyes, her own completely open and honest for the first time since their reunion. And she spoke from her heart, not caring if she sounded strange. "I truly, deeply, love you. And before we die I wanted you to know." She moved her head towards his, a silent invitation for him to kiss her. She wanted this. Wanted him, for as long as she could have him.  
  
Anakin's head dipped towards her, meeting her lips halfway in a soul- stealing kiss. She almost cried as his lips met hers in a gentle, bittersweet kiss that conveyed everything he'd been feeling, everything he felt, for her. She held nothing back, putting her longing and love into the kiss, tugging on the chains unconsciously as she fought to hold him. Just once. One more time before they died she wanted to feel his arms around her.  
  
But it wasn't to be. The cart began to move and Anakin slowly pulled away, his blue eyes speaking of love and promise as they traveled from the dark tunnels into a huge arena. Padmé squinted, looking around in awe as she fought to clear her head. Her gaze settled on four enormous pillars on the far side of the area. Their killing field. She forcefully cleared her head. They could try and kill her, but she wasn't going to give up on what she'd found without a fight. Anakin was worth fighting for.  
  
  
  
Padmé turned from the platform where the clone troopers continued to shoot at the ship in which Dooku was escaping. She ran into the hangar, heedless of the consequences and what she might find. Dooku had escaped. Could Anakin be... was he... she forced herself not to think of it as she blinked back tears. Anakin couldn't be dead, not when they'd come this far. He couldn't be! She raced into the main hangar to find him getting up off the floor, his right arm missing just above the elbow. Relief flooded through her, pounding through her system like a Nabooian waterfall. He was alive! "Anakin!" she got his attention as she sprinted across the hangar, barely registering the fact that Obi-Wan and Master Yoda were in the room. She went straight to him, noticing the pained look on his face, the disillusionment, yet none of that really mattered. They were both alive. They'd lived through something both of them should never have escaped.  
  
Her left hand snaked around his neck, dragging it down as she stood on tip- toe. She looked him straight in the eyes, seeing his shock, and her own filled with tears. "Anakin," she whispered softly.  
  
"Padmé. I thought I'd lost you." His voice was a whisper, one she barely caught.  
  
They stared at each other for a half a moment, as if reaffirming that the other was indeed alright, Padmé feeling the urge to kiss him. She couldn't, she knew that, whatever they had, were to have, would have to be kept a secret. With Master Yoda and Obi-Wan around, she had to settle for this. She tugged him down further, wrapping her arm around his neck and holding him tightly. He was alive. He was injured, but alive. His left arm slid around her middle, holding her close, his head tucked into the curve of her neck. She thought she felt moisture on her shoulder, yet couldn't be sure. Her grip didn't lessen as he seemed to deflate, holding onto her for support, the tightness of his grip betraying the fear he'd felt. He'd almost been taken from her; he'd almost died when he'd found the one person worth living for loved him in return.  
  
Padmé closed her eyes, holding him as tightly as he held her, and relishing the feel of his body heavy against hers. It made her feel alive, whole, to be held by him. Someone cleared their throat, and she barely noticed it. Slowly, she pulled back, Anakin straightening slightly as he turned to look. His face was a mixture of relief and pain, with something darker lurking in his eyes as she watched.  
  
Obi-Wan was being helped out of the hangar by a pair of clones, Master Yoda walking along side them. Neither looked their way, but Padmé had a feeling it had been Obi-Wan who's gotten their attention. She looked back to Anakin, seeing his pained expression as he took a step. She held him back. "The techs will come to help you, they know we're here."  
  
Anakin stopped, his face pale as he looked down at his right arm. What was left of his right arm. Padmé lifted her hand and gently cupped his face, drawing his gaze back to hers. They were safe. "It doesn't matter, I still love you," she told him softly, tears pooling in her eyes. The Jedi were gone from the hangar, leaving only two troopers guarding the entrance, and she stepped back into his embrace. "We're going to be alright."  
  
Anakin held her again, his grip almost bruising. "Thank you." His words were choked, pained. Padmé allowed the blaster to slip from her fingers and fall on the deck. Wrapping both arms around him, they held each other tightly until the medical techs showed up. They were safe; they'd lived through one of the largest battles the republic had ever seen and they were together. That was all that mattered.  
  
  
  
Padmé stared at the young man standing directly opposite from her in front of the Naboo holy man. They'd spoken their vows, exchanged their promises. Her heart was racing as his left hand reached out and she gladly took it, feeling the dampness of his palm; he was just as nervous as she. Slowly, as if on impulse, his right hand extended towards her and she gently accepted it, sliding her fingers into his carefully. The mechanical hand was new, replacing his lost limb, but she didn't care. Anakin was still Anakin, regardless of the replacement part. She stepped towards him and he met her in the middle, angling her head. Her heart was pounding quickly against her ribs as Anakin's head came down. She was now his wife; the woman he loved. That thought alone was enough to make her heart swell.  
  
Their lips met, trembling and nervous, as they shared their first kiss as husband and wife. Padmé's heart began to soar as the kiss continued, their lips sliding against one another, making the blood pound through her veins. It ended reluctantly as Anakin pulled away gradually, his forehead resting gently against hers for a half second before he slowly moved back. Their eyes opened and Padmé met his gaze, reading in them the knowledge of what they'd just done. He'd broken his vows to the Jedi order in making the vows to her. They'd committed to a life lived in secret; nobody could know of their marriage.  
  
Slowly, they turned to look out over the lake of the retreat where he'd first kissed her and Padmé couldn't help but feel freed by the step they'd just taken. She'd committed herself to Anakin. Committed herself to the man who looked at her like she was a treasure to be held and coddled. Treated her like she was something special. Never had she known passion like the kind she'd felt in Anakin's touch; his kiss. His eyes spoke volumes. And, as they watched, Anakin lifted his new artificial arm and slid it across her shoulders, pulling her close. Here, in his arms, feeling the love she knew he felt for her, she rested her head on his shoulders and smiled. She was complete. Anakin loved her beyond life and what they had was something special. Secret or no, she truly believe that and it was that magic between them which would ensure their relationship would last. 


	6. Part 6

Nov 2002 Disclaimer 1: It all (SW) belong to Lucasfilm, I don't own it.  
  
Disclaimer 2: The song is by Martina McBride and I don't own that either :P I removed one line "It happens to alot of men" because it didn't fit in the context of the story.  
  
Part 6  
  
*Wrong Again.*  
  
Padmé hummed softly to herself as she set about covering the security cameras in her bedroom, as was her custom. The ones that focused on the window and bed. It was getting dark and Anakin would be here soon. The thought of her handsome husband, now a Jedi Knight for two years, made her shiver deliciously. It was their fourth wedding anniversary tonight, four years since they'd pledged themselves to each other. Four years of hiding, sneaking around behind the backs of the Jedi Council and the public. Four years of excitement, of nearly being caught, and finding excuses to be together. She doubted anyone suspected, but they could never be too careful. If their relationship came to the public's attention, even to simply the Jedi Council's attention, Anakin would be expelled. She couldn't let that happen.  
  
She quickly changed into her nightdress in the blacked out areas of her bedroom. Security cameras were a necessary evil for someone in her position as an influential Senator, and she'd come to detest them. They were everywhere, making it a challenge to find time alone, away from prying eyes with her husband. In the last three years, after lots of near misses in their first year, they'd finally developed a pattern. At first, covering her security cameras had disturbed her security force, but now it was simply routine. Padmé had done so ever since the night four years ago when Anakin had been on the other end of the lenses. Now, with him on the same end as she, she didn't want to be discovered.  
  
There was a gentle tap on her window as the lock was undone with the Force. Padmé double checked her appearance and quickly covered the last of the cams. Her room would be a black out for several hours. Long enough for her and Anakin to have some private time that was woefully lacking. Slowly, the glass shifted, being pulled outwards, and two very familiar hands, one covered in a black glove, grabbed the interior ledge as Anakin pulled himself inside.  
  
Padmé went to him immediately, launching herself into his arms as he straightened. He caught her, enfolding her in his arms as his mouth came down to cover hers. Desire slammed into her, as it always did at his touch. She wanted him. As much now as she had at their wedding four years ago. Her hands slid into his hair, holding him close as she arched into his touch. It was always like this. He'd returned from a mission to the outer rim just that evening and they hadn't seen one another in two months. She gasped as his hands slid across her body, expertly sliding the straps from her shoulders, his mouth leaving hers to place heated, passionate kisses on her skin. Without words, he told her how he'd missed her.  
  
"Anakin!" she gasped his name, silently begging him to hurry. It had been so long, too long, since she'd seen him last. Sensations swam though her system and mind, colors exploding as he complied.  
  
  
  
A few hours later, she lay sated in his arms, feeling the gentle brush of his fingers across her bare back. "What are you thinking about?" she asked softly, tilting her head up from its position on his chest to look at him.  
  
His features were shadowed, the lights passing by the window making his eyes difficult to read. "I'm getting tired of this, Padmé."  
  
Her head came up sharply and she looked down at him, her brows drawn together in concern. "Of what? Hiding our marriage?"  
  
He nodded. Padmé felt her heart squeeze painfully. The talk she'd most dreaded had finally come to pass. Why couldn't he have waited until tomorrow, before he had to leave? She swallowed hard. "I am too," she admitted, "but if the council found out, you'd be expelled. You've achieved your dream to be a Jedi Knight, how can-"  
  
"I don't care."  
  
She blinked, shock registering on her face as he cut her off. He rolled away from her, sitting on the edge of the bed and looking at the window. She reached out a hand, wanting to touch him, to make sure he knew what he was saying, but it fell to the sheets as he tugged his trousers on and began to pace. "The Jedi can't give me what I want, Padmé, not anymore. I used to think I wanted to be a part of something that was unique, but the Jedi are set in their ways; they're going nowhere. They won't let me achieve the kind of dreams I have. They can't give me the power I want."  
  
She couldn't believe what she was hearing and an echo of the conversation she'd had with him after the death of his mother ran through her mind. She was suddenly terrified for him and for herself. "Anakin?"  
  
He turned to face her, his blue eyes shining with determination and something else. Something that scared her. His posture was almost threatening as he stepped towards her. "The Republic doesn't work, the last four years of this war should have proven that. The Chancellor has told me that many of the senators want you dead; I could lose you to another assassin at any moment. I couldn't live without you Padmé, please, stop lobbying for peace before it gets you killed!"  
  
"You want me to give up fighting against something I think is wrong?" she asked him, shocked. How could he ask that of her? How could he ask that of her? Ask that she simply drop from sight when she was the most outspoken against the current war. People wanted peace, couldn't he see that? "I can't do that, Anakin." Her words were soft as she wrapped the blanket around herself and stepped from the bed. She looked at him, holding the knot of fabric between her breasts as she fought to keep her focus. "Would you?" she asked him pointedly. "Would you be able to give up everything you've worked for in four years simply because it could mean your death?"  
  
"I already have."  
  
She froze. He didn't mean...? No, he couldn't mean that, not when they were still so connected. He couldn't be talking about their relationship. "What do you mean?"  
  
He stepped to her, grasping her by the shoulders, his gaze as hard as ice. She shivered, but not from his touch. There was something in his eyes, something that frightened her as nothing ever had before. He simply looked at her for long moments and her heart skipped a beat. What did he see when he looked at her? What could he possibly see?  
  
"It's time to choose, Padmé. Obi-Wan knows of our arrangement, he's threatened to expose me to the Council if something happens."  
  
"I don't understand. Why would Obi-Wan want to hurt us?" Obi-Wan was one of their oldest friends; someone they trusted implicitly. Or so she had thought. "Anakin, what did you do?"  
  
He spun away from her, "Why does it always have to be something I did?" he demanded, spinning back. His eyes flashed but she caught the fear, the anger, as easily as the self-recrimination.  
  
She could read the anguish in his eyes, the pain he couldn't quite hide from her, and she knew she was right. Something was eating at him again, tearing him up and taking him away from her. That thought, the thought of losing him, made her heart freeze in fear. She couldn't. She loved him so completely, no matter what he did, that life without him was unimaginable. When they were apart, she felt like half a person. Together, she felt whole; completed. She fought to get the words past the lump in her throat. "What's wrong, Anakin?"  
  
Why did he have to be so stubborn? She saw him swallow hard, could almost see the mental battle he was waging to decide if he should tell her. She opened a hand to him, silently beseeching him to tell her, to trust her as he always had. His shoulders straightened but he didn't reach out to take her hand as he had so many times in the past. She shook her head in silent denial, mutely begging him to prove her wrong. Don't do this, she thought silently, wishing he could read her thoughts when she couldn't find the courage to voice them. Don't shut me out. Please, love, don't destroy all we've been working for. Don't give up on us!  
  
Anakin was silent as he met her gaze, and she saw the shield slowly fall over the turbulent emotions in his eyes. Tears pooled in hers as she shook her head, "No... Anakin, please, tell me." She begged softly, reaching out for him again.  
  
"I can't."  
  
She barely caught the words, but they cut through her heart like a knife. He couldn't trust her. He wouldn't. After all they'd been through, after all they'd shared, he was pulling away now? She blinked back her tears, dropping her hand to her breast and clutching the sheet tightly. The swiftness of her pain wasn't surprising; it was the anger at feeling so helpless. The anger that he couldn't trust her as he once had. "Why?" The question was soft, but a note of pure steel rang through it, demanding an answer.  
  
He stepped into the shadows by the window, scooping his tunic from the floor and slowly shrugging into it. She didn't move as she watched him, waiting for an answer. His body language spoke of his defensive mood, the fact that she was somehow threatening to him. Her throat closed, cutting off anything else she might have said. She couldn't bear the thought of being a burden to him, and that was the impression he was giving.  
  
"Your position is dangerous, Padmé." He met her gaze again. His face, normally so expressive, registered no emotion. Her heart ached. "I can't tell you because you might bring it to the attention of your movement. In fact, I know you would. I don't wish to cause you pain."  
  
"You already are." She managed to get out, her words cracking. A single tear slipped down her cheek as she watched him collect his boots. He was going to leave. She could see it in his posture. She held her hand out to him one last time, in desperation. She mutely pleaded with him to prove her wrong, and he came to her this time, his hand gently sliding into hers.  
  
"No matter our differences, Padmé," he told her softly, searching her gaze, "no matter what happens now or in the future, know that I love you. I'll see you when I get back from my next mission."  
  
She sobbed once, softly, as his lips gently brushed hers and then he was gone. Padmé slowly sank to the ground, the sheet pooling around her as she bowed her head. Anakin was changing. Changing so much she was beginning to wonder where the passionate young man she'd married had ended up. She curled forward, soft sobs of pain and sorrow shaking her body. The signs had been there for months; his frequent missions, the change in his opinion of her political position and the chaffing against the Jedi Order's rules. For the first time in four years, Padmé Skywalker was beginning to wonder if perhaps she'd been wrong and Anakin had been right. Were they too different to last in a secret marriage? Would it truly destroy them? Tears blurred her vision as she looked up to the window where her husband had disappeared. She was starting to think he'd been right. And it was killing her. Curling up on the ground, she pulled the sheets around her and softly cried herself to sleep. 


	7. Part 7

Nov 2002 Disclaimer 1: It all (SW) belong to Lucasfilm, I don't own it.  
  
Disclaimer 2: The song is by Martina McBride and I don't own that either :P I removed one line "It happens to alot of men" because it didn't fit in the context of the story.  
  
Part7  
  
*Everybody swore, They'd seen this before, And we'd be fine.*  
  
Padmé was sitting on the sofa in her senatorial suite when one of the security personnel she didn't know entered. She looked up from the datapad in her hand. "Yes?"  
  
"Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi is here to see you, Senator."  
  
"Show him in," she placed the datapad on the table top and rose to her feet, smiling a strained smile as her husband's mentor walked into the room. If Obi-Wan was here without Anakin, something had to be wrong. True, Anakin was no longer Obi-Wan's padawan, having passed the trials, but they were old friends. When one came to visit, the other was normally there as well. Save for the many times Anakin had slipped in without Obi- Wan's knowledge. Padmé prayed her emotions from the last night were well hidden. "Master Kenobi."  
  
He took her hand, shaking it firmly. "Senator. I've come to speak with you about a personal matter, would you care to join me for a speeder ride?"  
  
Her heart almost stopped. Obi-Wan knew. Anakin had said as much, surely he wasn't going to threaten her with exposure? She forced a small smile, nodding her head. "I would like that, Master Kenobi. Please."  
  
Obi-Wan nodded, stepping to her side but not touching her as they walked towards the turbolift. Throughout the ride to the hangar bay they were silent, her thoughts turned inwards. Would Obi-Wan bring up her marriage to Anakin? Probably. Why else go someplace private to talk? She barely registered the people who walked in and out as the turbolift stopped at different floors, so inwardly focused was she. She had enough presence of mind to follow Obi-Wan as he stepped from the lift and headed towards a randomly parked speeder.  
  
She almost recoiled when he attempted to assist her into the passenger side, coming out of her inner thoughts with a jerk. "Pardon?"  
  
His smile was faint. "May I assist you, Senator?"  
  
She managed not to blush and took his hand, accepting it as she settled into the spacious seat of the private speeder. Obi-Wan quickly slipped into the driver's side and put it into gear. The whine of the engines made any conversation difficult and Padmé suddenly knew that Obi-Wan had no intention of driving and talking; he was going to stop them someplace above the traffic and get his answers. Trepidation curled along her spine mixed with anticipation. It would be a relief to talk about her relationship with Anakin, to get his closest friend's opinion on his actions. Would Obi- Wan allow her the chance to ask questions? She slanted a thoughtful look at him as he made his way through the skylanes and into a more secluded part of the airways. A lane above, one below, they hung in between, and she couldn't help feeling like she was in limbo. As if she was waiting for something.  
  
Obi-Wan keyed the speeder into park but didn't kill the repulsorlifts as he turned to look at her. The whine of the engine was suddenly bearable and she found she had no trouble hearing him as he began to speak.  
  
"I know about your marriage to Anakin, Padmé." His tone was almost gentle and she wanted to cry. Obi-Wan understood. She could see it in his features.  
  
"Oh, Obi-Wan!" she turned her face away, fighting tears. "I'm sorry we had to hide it, we didn't want to, but with everything that was happening..."  
  
Obi-Wan placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder and she turned her face back to look at him, seeing the concern and stress he was feeling in his eyes. "I know why you did, Padmé. Anakin has long since dreamed of being a Jedi, but this could get him thrown out of the order, even now. He's walking a fine line as it is, it won't take much for the council to strip him of his rank."  
  
She bit her lip, fighting with herself. Should she tell him that Anakin didn't care? That he felt he was beyond Jedi laws and restrictions? No, she couldn't betray him like that. "He knows, we both know." She settled for telling Obi-Wan what she knew Anakin had already expressed. "We knew when we got married we'd have to keep it a secret." She inhaled sharply, looking away from him and back out over the lanes of traffic, "It didn't matter then, but I think it's starting to matter now."  
  
She didn't turn to look at her old friend as she spoke quietly. Perhaps, just perhaps, Obi-Wan could help put her fears of losing Anakin to rest. "Anakin has changed alot in the last four years Obi-Wan. He's pulled away from me." She looked down at her hands in her lap, "I don't want to lose him but I don't know what I can do that could possibly help. I refuse to cling, though I can't help feeling that I am. He means the world to me, Obi-Wan, Anakin is half of my heart and soul, how can I let that go without a fight?"  
  
"You can't."  
  
She looked back at him, surprised to hear the words coming from his mouth. "I can't give up?"  
  
He nodded, his face serious. "Anakin has always been attached to you, Padmé, you're like an anchor that keeps him grounded. Don't give up, he's gone through this before if you remember. Before you were married and he was knighted, Anakin was always chaffing against the bonds of his position. It's happening again. The council has seen it, I can see it. Anakin is wanting more than what he thinks the Jedi can give him. Give him time. As he saw before your marriage, our rules are there for protection. He'll come to see that again, in time, but we can't force him into it."  
  
She was speechless. Obi-Wan had nailed her unspoken fears and concerns without her voicing them. Amazing. She managed a small smile. "I'm afraid of losing him to this," she admitted. "There's something more, Obi- Wan, something deeper than just rebelling against his boundaries." She shook her head, lifting one hand to rub her forehead. Her head was pounding and her throat was dry. She simply wanted to go have a nap after last night's sleepless night.  
  
Obi-Wan suddenly grasped her hand and gently squeezed her fingers, getting her complete attention. "I wouldn't worry about him, Padmé, Anakin loves you. He has since he met you. You'll both be fine."  
  
As Obi-Wan kicked the speeder back into gear a part of her mind turned his last phrase over in her mind. You'll both be fine. Was it Jedi intuition telling him that or was he simply trying to make her feel better? A little of both, she supposed. However, she couldn't help herself from asking one last, silent, question as the wording of his words continued to play over and over in her mind. Would she and Anakin be fine together, or would they be fine apart. She wanted to know, needed to know. If she and Anakin parted ways she was terrified she was no longer strong enough to live without him. 


	8. Part 8

Nov 2002 Disclaimer 1: It all (SW) belong to Lucasfilm, I don't own it.  
  
Disclaimer 2: The song is by Martina McBride and I don't own that either :P I removed one line "It happens to alot of men" because it didn't fit in the context of the story.  
  
Part 8  
  
*And you'd come to see That you still love me In good time.*  
  
  
  
"What were you doing?"  
  
Padmé almost screamed as she stepped into her bedroom later that night and closed the door. His soft voice slid through the darkness and under her skin. A hand wrapped around her shoulder, the touch sending waves of awareness through her system and stopping the scream before it could form. "Anakin. You scared me," she gasped, turning to face him. She recoiled, seeing barely leashed fury flashing in his eyes. Fury? What had she done to make him so angry? "Anakin?"  
  
His grip tightened, almost bruising, "What were you doing with Obi-Wan, Padmé?"  
  
She shrugged off his hand and proceeded to check the cameras. Surely he wouldn't have... Nope, they were all covered. She began pulling her cloak off as she turned back to look at him. "Obi-Wan is our friend, Anakin, why does it matter?"  
  
He looked at her, his form cloaked in shadows, and she thought she saw him tilt his head at her. She swallowed hard, feeling the menace radiating from his posture. After their meeting the previous night, she wasn't sure what to expect from him.  
  
"He's against me, Padmé. Against everything I've been working for. Obi- Wan wants to see me fail."  
  
"No!" she shook her head, "You're wrong." How could he believe that his mentor would want to see him fail? How could he even think that Obi-Wan meant him any harm at all? They were both Jedi, sworn to uphold law and order and maintain peace.  
  
"Am I?" he stepped towards her, into the lights, and she could see the anger in his eyes. Why was he angry? Surely there was nothing she'd done; speaking with Obi-Wan wasn't an offense punishable by law. "I told you what he's threatened, Padmé and I told you why. I thought you would have used your common sense and stayed away from him."  
  
"He's our friend, Anakin!" she couldn't believe what she was hearing. Anakin sounded as if Obi-Wan was his mortal enemy instead of his ally. She saw the conflict in his eyes, the way he was struggling against the impact of her words. His features remained mostly immobile except for his eyes. They narrowed as they looked at her.  
  
"He means to stop me, Padmé, any way he can. Obi-Wan has always been jealous of my abilities and he may try to turn you against me. He knows it's the best way too hurt me."  
  
She was shaken. How could he think these things? "Anakin! Obi-Wan would never-"  
  
"You see?" he cut in, "It's already started, you're already turning against me!"  
  
She stepped close to him, grabbing his face between her hands and searched his eyes as she tugged his head downwards. "Anakin Skywalker, you listen to me." She told him sternly, her heart racing as she fought against the feeling that something else was wrong. Again, it went beyond the surface of his thoughts and words, causing him to doubt her and everything they'd built for the last four years. "I love you. I will always love you. Nobody is going to turn me against you, but you can't keep pushing me away! Obi-Wan is concerned for us, he simply wants to make sure we're alright!"  
  
Anakin pulled away, shaking his head. "No. You're wrong, he's trying to poison you."  
  
Padmé was stricken. He truly believed that his oldest friend would try and turn her against him? "I love you, Anakin." She wasn't sure what else she could say. Her palms were sweating, her heart racing, as she fought against the certainty that this was a turning point. Here and now would decide what Anakin was going to do. What could she say that would help him trust her? "I know you love me, but what happened to make you doubt me?" her heart was in her throat, making speech difficult. "What happened to make you lose your trust in me?" she blinked rapidly, fighting against an overwhelming sense of despair. Putting the thought into words had cost her something, and she couldn't yet identify it.  
  
His own eyes glittered, but not with tears. "You don't listen, Padmé." She watched, helplessly, as he turned to go.  
  
"Anakin, please!" she pleaded, her voice breaking and making her words barely intelligible. She couldn't lose him, not now and not like this. Her stomach fluttered, jumping and knotting with anxiety. He couldn't walk away from her like this, not in this frame of mind! She couldn't lose him!  
  
He paused, looking back over his shoulder. "I've tried Padmé. I've tried to make this work, to be patient with you and explain the situation. The choice is yours."  
  
Her heart was breaking; she was sure of it. "Choice for what?" she demanded through her tears. She felt as if he was trying to pull her heart from her chest, and not doing anything to ease the pain. Surely he didn't mean this! "Between you and my friends, Anakin? You and my job? You know I can't-"  
  
He spun on her, his eyes flashing and she stopped mid-sentence. His eyes spoke of danger. Of anguish and pain that she could only remember seeing once before. The day he'd found his mother and spent the time crying in her arms. Her heart ached.  
  
"Can't you?" his words bit like a knife, tearing through her. "I guess I have my answer then. Goodbye Padmé."  
  
She cried out unintelligibly as he left through the window, her eyes begging him to stop. He couldn't. Tears slid down her cheeks as she ran for the window, unable to stop his descent. He was leaving her! She peeked her head out and froze, her gaze meeting his. She could see the turmoil he was feeling; the betrayal. "I love you!" she told him, mouthing the words.  
  
His eyes softened for half an instant and she thought she saw something flicker in the depths of his eyes. Love. She'd seen it. No matter his feelings right at this moment, he still loved her. Perhaps he was having trouble understanding everything surrounding their relationship, but that remained solid. She slipped back into her bedroom and wiped her eyes. He still loved her. In time, he'd realize it and come to trust her again. That was all that mattered. 


	9. Part 9

Nov 2002 Disclaimer 1: It all (SW) belong to Lucasfilm, I don't own it.  
  
Disclaimer 2: The song is by Martina McBride and I don't own that either :P I removed one line "It happens to alot of men" because it didn't fit in the context of the story.  
  
Part 9  
  
*And they said there's nothing you can do It's something that he's going through.*  
  
Obi-Wan escorted Padmé back to her suite three weeks later. She'd been spending alot of time with the mature Jedi Knight, speaking to him privately about Anakin and their meetings. They'd spent alot of time flying about Coruscant and simply speaking. Obi-Wan was one of her few friends and she needed him now more than ever.  
  
Anakin had been gone for three weeks, and though that was nothing new, the manner in which he'd left was. He'd gone away angry, believing that she'd betrayed him and the anguish in his eyes still haunted her dreams. She'd hurt him unintentionally and it was eating at her. She hadn't wanted to hurt him. Obi-Wan had become accustom to her long silences and respected her need to think. He was obviously worried about her, and though she appreciated his concern, she didn't feel it was deserved. She'd practically driven Anakin away, or so she felt.  
  
She settled on the sofa, Obi-Wan sitting across from her, and she pulled a remote from her pocket. Hitting a series of buttons, she carefully deactivated every cam in the room. She didn't need, or want, prying eyes as she spoke to Obi-Wan. Her security force didn't like her new toy, but they were slowly beginning to accept her need for privacy. He was silent, waiting for her to speak as she gathered her thoughts.  
  
How could she ask him for advice when she didn't fully understand what was happening with her husband? She took a bracing breath, trying to formulate the proper order for her words as Obi-Wan waited patiently. She lifted her gaze, meeting his eyes and hoped he couldn't read the turmoil in her soul. Not that it would matter. She was going to try and voice it; she just didn't want him to read it first. "I've lost, Obi-Wan."  
  
He arched an eyebrow but didn't say anything as she continued; her words were soft and strained. She wondered if he could tell how much she was hurting inside by her tone of voice. "I haven't heard from him, not a message or a call, in three weeks. He's never been out of touch for so long." She twisted her hands in her lap, dropping her gaze from the compassionate eyes of the Jedi Knight. "When we last spoke he was furious with me. He's never been angry with me before, I thought we could work this out but if he doesn't make the effort, I don't know what I can do."  
  
She took a deep, shaky breath. "I can't give up on him, I just can't. I love him," she looked up, her eyes sparkling with tears she refused to shed in Obi-Wan's presence. "I don't know what to do, Obi-Wan. I don't know how to get through to him. He's changed so much, so fast, its almost like he's a completely different person."  
  
"Don't give up on him, Padmé." Obi-Wan leaned forward and gently grasped her hands, covering them with his. She wondered if he knew how easy it would be for her to follow that advice. She'd never given up on him, not before and not now. She wasn't sure she'd ever be able to.  
  
"I couldn't give up on him, but if he doesn't come back..."  
  
"He will." Obi-Wan's voice held a confident note, almost as if he knew something she didn't. "He loves you, but sometimes when people go through difficult times there's nothing we can do. Support him, be there for him, but don't try to stop him. Anakin will find his own path if he lets the Force guide him and that path will lead back to you."  
  
She closed her eyes, allowing his words to wash over her. Obi-Wan was basically telling her she couldn't do anything but wait. That, more than anything, would be harder than action. She slowly opened her eyes, and nodded. "Thank you," she squeezed his hands and stood, pulling the Jedi into a sudden hug. "It might kill me to wait for him to find his way back to me, but I'll wait."  
  
Obi-Wan returned her hug briefly before turning to leave. She didn't watch him go as she turned and headed for the balcony, leaving the security cameras off. She wanted privacy and she was going to get it. Stepping onto the balcony, she went to the rail and leaned against it, looking out across the vista of buildings and traffic.  
  
"Are you watching me, Anakin?" she whispered softly, her voice breaking. "Do you know how much I love you?" she took a deep, bracing breath. He knew. He'd always known. And he had to come back to her. Without him she wasn't sure if she'd be able to go on. Resolving to give him the time and space he needed, to wait until he came back to her, she turned, and re- entered her suite. If time was what it would take, then that's what she would give him. Nobody would know, save Obi-Wan, exactly how much she was hurting. 


	10. Part 10

Nov 2002 Disclaimer 1: It all (SW) belong to Lucasfilm, I don't own it.  
  
Disclaimer 2: The song is by Martina McBride and I don't own that either :P I removed one line "It happens to alot of men" because it didn't fit in the context of the story.  
  
Part 10  
  
*And I told myself that they were right That you'd wake up and see the light And I just had to wait 'till then.*  
  
Anakin was waiting for her when she returned from a Senate meeting almost two months later. She stopped, shocked, to see him standing in the middle of the suite as if he belonged there. And, in fact, he did. Her heart pounded in her breast, anticipation and trepidation warring for supremacy. He'd come back! He'd finally come back to her. "Anakin."  
  
He was half turned away from her, looking down at a holo of her, which was on the table. He didn't look up, "I thought I told you to stop, Padmé."  
  
She blinked. What was he talking about? Her mind traveled back to the last time she'd seen him, spoken with him. Was he talking about the concerns he had for her life? Probably. He didn't like her opinions, but that didn't mean she was going to give up on them. "I'm not yours to order around." She glanced around the room, checking to see if the security cams were still active. Surely he wouldn't challenge her like this if they were.  
  
"They're off."  
  
She looked back to him and her temper get the better of her. "You presume to give me orders?" she demanded, stepping towards him. Her blood boiled. How dare he treat her like the slave he'd once been! "I thought we were partners, Anakin."  
  
"So did I." His face was impassive, expressionless.  
  
She stormed towards him, slapping both of her palms on his chest as he turned to face her. She could read the shock in his eyes, the surprise at her sudden attack. She'd never been truly angry with him, never allowed herself to lose her temper but now she couldn't hold it back. Anakin was acting like he cared more about what she did and how it affected him than their relationship. That bothered her. Bothered her more than she had yet to admit and she didn't want to lose him. "You knew what I was when we married, it's a little late to be having second thoughts."  
  
His eyes narrowed. "I knew coming here tonight was a bad idea."  
  
She recoiled as if he'd struck her. What did he mean by that? "Why?" she demanded, "Because I'm putting you on the spot? I thought we were trying to build a future for ourselves, and our children one day, Anakin. I thought we mattered to you!"  
  
"You're stubborn."  
  
She almost laughed, barely managing to stop it. If she had, she was certain it would have held an almost hysterical edge to it. This fight was ridiculous, and she had the oddest, sinking feeling he'd come back to her looking for it. "So are you. Why are you doing this?"  
  
"Doing what?"  
  
As if he didn't know. His whole posture spoke of confrontation. Well, if he wanted a fight... "This. You're in and out of my life as if it's unimportant to you. As if I'm unimportant to you. How do you think that makes me feel, Anakin? You're my husband. My husband and I don't know if that means something to you but it means something to me! I made a commitment to you until death, and you're acting as if the bonds that bind us don't exist."  
  
"There is nothing that binds us, Padmé!" his words were softly spoken, but they ripped through her heart like a well placed blaster shot.  
  
"How can you say that?" she demanded, "After all we've been through, all we've shared?"  
  
His eyes were almost cold, yet there was something in their depths that gave her hope. He didn't say anything, but she could see the fight, the goodness and love, he still held inside him that was quickly becoming locked away. She wanted nothing more than to have that surface, then to have him take her in his arms again and love her, the way he had been for years. She wouldn't cry, she wouldn't beg, but she wouldn't give in without a fight either.  
  
"We spoke sacred vows, Anakin. Vows that will bind us until this life ends. I know those mean something to you. You've always been faithful to me, always been here for me, what's changed? Ever since we came back to Coruscant..." she couldn't finish the sentence as realization hit her. It had been here, on Coruscant, that his most violent changes had happened. What was here that influenced him so heavily?  
  
"I can't tell you."  
  
She wasn't letting him out of this that easily. Either he loved and trusted her or he didn't. He couldn't have it both ways. "It's your choice this time, Anakin." She told him softly, hoping she was doing the right thing. "Either you love me and trust me, or you don't. You can't have both."  
  
When he didn't respond right away, she almost collapsed. He had to think about it? He had to decide if he loved and trusted her? She swallowed the knot in her throat. "I guess I have my answer." She ducked her head and moved away. His soft words as she was about to turn surprised her.  
  
"I love you."  
  
She froze, meeting his gaze again and saw the anguish in his eyes. An answering emotion opened her heart to him and she wanted nothing more than to enfold him in her arms and hold him there. "Do you, Anakin?" she had to ask, to make sure he knew what he was saying.  
  
He nodded, extending a hand to her in a silent entreaty. She looked at him, waiting for him to speak as her heart pounded painfully in her head. "I do."  
  
"But you still won't tell me." It was more of a statement than a question; she already saw the answer in his eyes. The answer that yes, he did love her, as passionately as he always had, but he couldn't trust her with this. He didn't trust himself and, as an extension, anyone else. She stepped back from him deliberately and his hand dropped back to his side. She hoped it didn't show on her face just how much it killed her to refuse him. She simply wanted him to hold her and never let go, but until whatever was the matter had been resolved, how could she? How could she, in good conscience, lie in his arms as if nothing was wrong. She couldn't. Not until he'd resolved this issue himself. "I understand. I'll be here when you can finally tell me."  
  
"Padmé..." her name was a plea on his lips, a plea for understanding and acceptance. He already had them, but couldn't seem to see it. She wanted him to trust her and he couldn't. A rift now separated them, one she hadn't intended to make, but it seemed to be growing wider as she watched.  
  
She shook her head. "Just go, Anakin. One day you'll come back to me and explain. Then, and only then, will our marriage have a chance to work."  
  
His eyes were slowly shuttered, the light in their depths being extinguished even as she watched. She'd rejected him and her heart was screaming against it. Anakin, looked at her for several long moments. Moments in which she was terrified he'd see through her and to the wants and desires she had. See through her to her bleeding and broken heart. She covered her mouth with her hands to stifle a sob as he slowly turned, nodding to her once. "I won't fail you," he promised softly. "Someday I'll be able to explain. I promise you, Padmé, I won't let our relationship end this way."  
  
She sank to the couch as he disappeared and bowed her head. Anakin was gone. He'd walked away because she'd sent him away. Sent him away without telling him she loved him, without telling him the truth behind her concerns. She had made him leave before she'd told him about the child. Their child. Unable to bear the guilt and heartache, she buried her face in her palms and let the tears come. 


	11. Part 11

Nov 2002 Disclaimer 1: It all (SW) belong to Lucasfilm, I don't own it.  
  
Disclaimer 2: The song is by Martina McBride and I don't own that either :P I removed one line "It happens to alot of men" because it didn't fit in the context of the story.  
  
Part 11  
  
*Wrong Again.*  
  
Padmé pulled the shawl from her shoulders as she stepped into her bedroom and leaned against the door. Today was her last day representing Naboo. Due to certain medical conditions, Dormé would now be attending the Senate meetings and speaking on her behalf. Medical reasons, right. Her hand crept low on her body to the gentle, barely perceptible swell of her stomach under a carefully arranged dress. Twins. The word echoed in her mind and she bowed her head. She was carrying Anakin's children and he didn't even know. Tears blurred her vision for a half a second and she quickly blinked them back. Anakin, her sweet Ani, was going to be a father without his knowledge.  
  
She began to undress carefully, without Dormé's help, first removing the form-fitting top to get to the laces, which held up the high-waist of her skirt. She tried not to think, but the strain of the last three months was too much.  
  
Anakin had effectively disappeared. She'd heard nothing from him since the night when he'd promised to come back to her. She'd half expected him to show up a week later proclaiming his reasons so he could scoop her up in his strong arms. She wanted that, had dreamed and hoped for it, but it wasn't to pass. A week had turned into two, and then three, without word of him. Slowly, in the second month when the reality was beginning to set in, she started hearing strange and disturbing rumors. Rumors about her husband having left the Jedi, killing Jedi or hunting them down. She couldn't believe them and passed them off as simply rumors with no substance. She knew her husband and Anakin was not a murderer. If he'd killed, or been forced to kill, there was a good reason behind it.  
  
She fought off the thought. She was now six months pregnant with his children and their father was a good man. True, he was sometimes misguided and impulsive, but it was that fire which attracted her so. Anakin was passion. Her passion. And it had been sadly lacking for a long time. She felt old. Older than anyone twenty-eight years of age should feel. She gently caressed the more pronounced swell of her stomach as she slipped into her nightdress. Her children. She smiled softly, just thinking about the two tiny lives growing inside her. She'd wanted children, always dreamed of having them, but the necessity of keeping their marriage a secret had made children impossible. They'd always been extra careful when making love, so that she didn't conceive. A part of her had always wanted to throw caution to the wind and they'd done that the last time. Creating two new lives in the process.  
  
Would Anakin be happy if he knew about them? He'd never said much about the prospect of having children. She'd cornered him on it about two years into their marriage and he'd said his mother had always seemed happy to have him. Yet, she could detect a distinct note of fear as he thought about it. He'd wanted children, he'd said as much, but he was terrified of failing them. He'd lost so much in his young life that Padmé could understand his reluctance. Even with their medical genius, there was still a chance of losing both baby and mother during childbirth. She'd seen the fear of losing her in his eyes and it had humbled her. It always did.  
  
She gently ran her hand over her stomach again as she settled on the bed, her other hand massaging the small of her back. Pretending she wasn't carrying the extra weight of the children was difficult. It drained her more than normal and she had to pretend otherwise. She lay back, pulling the covers to her chest as she pulled Anakin's pillow from the other side of the bed. She hugged it, inhaling the scent as she pictured his face. Not as she'd last seen it, but the first time he'd touched her as her husband. He'd been shy and wide-eyed with wonder. She closed her eyes, squeezing the memory away. She'd start to cry again if she started to think about all of the good times.  
  
Where are you now, Anakin? She wondered silently, feeling one of the twins kick. Are you happy without me wherever that may be? Happy without being able to fall asleep in my arms, or speak to me of your problems? Are you safe? she inhaled, smelling his scent as she hugged the pillow tighter. Do you miss me the way I miss you? Tears pricked the back of her eyelids as she stopped that line of thinking. Of course he missed her. If she started doubting that, she'd start doubting him, and Anakin would never do the kinds of things people were saying. Not without good reason.  
  
She rolled over, determined to get some sleep, but her mind was racing. Images of his face haunted her dreams, did she really want to sleep? She nodded, though there was no one to see her. Oh yes. She really wanted to dream. She wanted to dream of a happy time when Anakin still held her close to him at night. Of a time when they were together, just the two of them against the galaxy. Of the first time he'd spoken to her and revealed his heart. The image of his tormented face came back to her and she smoothed the lines in her mind, slowly soothing his soul in the process as he was enfolded against her breast. She wanted him still. As a companion and a lover, yet she had heard nothing for 3 months. Nothing after a fight that had been petty and pointless. He'd walked away because she'd told him too and she was still kicking herself for it. One of the twins kicked again and she rolled onto her back, gently rubbing her hands over her swollen abdomen.  
  
If he never came back, she wasn't sure if she'd be able to forgive herself. Her children deserved their father and she'd driven him away by her selfish demands. Tears leaked from behind her eyelids. She wanted him back and he wasn't coming back. Their last conversation had made it plain that whatever was wrong, wasn't something he could deal with in a short period of time. By the time he was able to tell her, it might already be too late. Inside, she was dying and she was terrified that, when he finally returned to her, there'd be nothing left. If he returned to her. She turned her face away from the window and choked back her tears. They solved nothing. She had to believe Anakin would return, yet she knew, deep in her heart, that he never would. 


	12. Part 12

Nov 2002 Disclaimer 1: It all (SW) belong to Lucasfilm, I don't own it.  
  
Disclaimer 2: The song is by Martina McBride and I don't own that either :P I removed one line "It happens to alot of men" because it didn't fit in the context of the story.  
  
Part 12  
  
*And it seemed to me the pain would last, My chance for happiness had past, Nothing waiting around the bend.*  
  
Padmé looked out across the gardens of her parent's home. She'd been on Naboo for a month now. She was seven months along in her pregnancy, and back in the home where she'd grown up, but she couldn't help but feel cut off from everyone and everything. Even her sister wasn't welcome in her circle. She kept to herself, staying mostly in her room as she stared at the sparse green landscape. And saw none of it.  
  
She was tender inside. She'd been forced to drop from public view so that her pregnancy didn't come to the attention of the press; the official story was that she was home due to a family emergency. She didn't care. Her position as a Senator was the only thing that had kept her going in the last seven months since Anakin had left. Now she had nothing except her children to motivate her. They were her reason for getting up in the morning, or going outside when she needed to. They were her reason for living.  
  
His face, floating just beyond reach, his determination an almost tangible thing as his crystal eyes stared at her, haunted her dreams. She'd fought to reach him, always falling short and waking up feeling desolate. No matter how she tried, something always blocked her way to him. There were nights where she didn't sleep, simply stared out the window at the darkness, and cradled her belly in her hands. These were the nights, like tonight, she wondered if she'd ever be able to move on with her life.  
  
Anakin. His handsome face stared back at her in the blank window as she stared beyond the glass. She could still see his face, his eyes and, most of all, his smile. That soft, quirky smile that always seemed to be half embarrassed when he turned it on her. His lips were soft, comforting and intoxicating at the same time. They spoke of a shyness he never quite grew out of and yet a confidence inherent in his mindset. She closed her eyes, leaning forward to press a palm against the window. Her forehead slowly followed, the cool glass soothing her heated face.  
  
Anakin. The young man who'd courted her with a dogged determination even when she'd been set against falling in love with him. His antics during that time and following their wedding were enough to make her smile, even now. Even now when her heart was longing for his touch, a smile, even a look. She hadn't even seen a holo-net report about him since she'd last seen him. For all intents and purposes, Anakin had vanished.  
  
She shook her head slowly, her hand resting protectively on her stomach. Anakin had been her happiness, the wild spot in her ordered life. He'd brought chaos to her ordered life and they'd complimented each other perfectly; their weaknesses balanced by the other's strengths. She gently traced the shape of a heart on the window without looking, a slash going through the middle. Tears streaked her face as she opened her eyes to find the rain falling on the garden. She didn't even try to wipe the tears away as she stared beyond the rain. There was nothing for her beyond her children. Padmé felt the pain swirl to the forefront, eating at her spirit, a constant companion. Her heart ached, the familiar ache she'd been feeling since he'd left. The pain, had it not been for the twins, would have killed her, of that she was certain. Without them her life was meaningless. 


	13. Part 13

Nov 2002 Disclaimer 1: It all (SW) belong to Lucasfilm, I don't own it.  
  
Disclaimer 2: The song is by Martina McBride and I don't own that either :P I removed one line "It happens to alot of men" because it didn't fit in the context of the story.  
  
Part 13  
  
*I was sure I'd never find someone, To heal the damage you had done, My poor heart would never mend.*  
  
"Padmé?"  
  
She didn't look up as the knock sounded on her door followed by a soft, familiar voice. One she'd always associated with her husband. "Obi-Wan." She didn't look up; simply let him look. She was obviously pregnant, and he hadn't known. At least, she assumed he hadn't known. She looked up then, her eyes red and swollen, deep bags giving her eyes a sunken appearance. She looked straight at him, turning to give him a full profile of her body and he sucked in a sharp breath.  
  
"I had hoped I was wrong."  
  
She felt the strangest sinking sensation in the vicinity of her heart. Obi- Wan was appalled by her physical condition. "Why?" her voice was reedy, thin, as if she had no substance. She wanted to cry at how far she'd fallen. She was but a shadow of her former self; a ghost of the woman who'd saved a planet. Where was her strength, her conviction? The answer was easy enough. Anakin had taken her life with him when he'd left.  
  
"It complicates things." Obi-Wan stepped towards her, offering her his arm. She accepted it, leaning on him as he helped her to the comfortable chair beside her bed.  
  
Her ankles were swollen from standing too long and she couldn't recall exactly how long she'd been standing there. She glanced back at the window. The sun was shining. The last she remembered, it had been raining. Had she been standing at the window all night? Most likely. She looked up at him as she settled into the chair, putting her feet up on a convenient cushion. "How does it complicate things?"  
  
"Anakin is searching for you."  
  
She froze. Anakin? Her heart leapt, jumping for joy at the thoughts. Light instantly jumped into her eyes, as if a spark of something had been ignited. "He is?" her mouth went dry when she realized the concerned, almost frightened tone in Obi-Wan's voice. Why would Anakin searching for her be a bad thing?  
  
Obi-Wan nodded. "He's changed Padmé. Anakin's been influenced by the darkside of the Force."  
  
Her breath caught in her throat, the joy she'd felt suddenly drying up and turning into anxiety. Darkside? Her Ani was a Sith. No, that wasn't right. She shook her head. "You have to be mistaken, Anakin would never... he couldn't..."  
  
Obi-Wan grasped her hands in his. "He would and he did, Padmé. I've been charged with finding him and trying to turn him back."  
  
"Let me help." She begged softly, pleading with him as her heart pounded painfully. She wasn't sure what she could do, but she had to try. "Please?"  
  
"The best way you can help me is to hide yourself away." His eyes were serious as they searched hers and her heart almost stopped. He was serious, deadly so. "If Anakin has to come to me to find you, maybe I'll have a chance of turning him back."  
  
She looked down at her hands as she tugged them from his grip and folded them neatly on her stomach. One of the twins kicked, and she almost smiled. Almost. "What will happen if you can't turn him back?" her words were whispered, filled with dread. She really didn't care if Anakin was a Sith, not really, all she wanted was her husband back. But if he was a Sith, was he really Anakin?  
  
"I may have to kill him."  
  
Her head came up sharply. "No!"  
  
Obi-Wan recoiled. "I may not have a choice."  
  
"There's always a choice, Obi-Wan, please, don't kill him, don't kill Anakin!" She knew she sounded hysterical but she didn't care. Her heart was already in tatters, bruised and bleeding from the beating it had taken, Anakin's death would surely kill her.  
  
"I promise I'll do everything I can to bring him back to you, Padmé."  
  
She thought she'd finished shedding her tears, but somehow, more found their way to the surface. "Thank you." She whispered. "Anakin would never harm me, Obi-Wan. You know that, right?"  
  
"He's no longer the man you knew, Padmé. Now you have to worry about your child as well."  
  
"Children."  
  
His brows rose and she saw she'd caught him off guard. Somehow, she found a small smile, her hands rubbing her stomach. "Twins. I'm going to have twins."  
  
"Skywalker twins." Obi-Wan inhaled sharply, seeming to come to some great epiphany, but didn't voice his thoughts. "All the more reason to get you to safety. If Anakin finds out about your children, he'll come for them and for you. His master will insist on it."  
  
A chill raced down her spine. Anakin would try and take their children away from her? No. Never. Not her Anakin. He wouldn't do something like that to her, even corrupted by the darkside, would he? She swallowed hard. "Bring him back to me, Obi-Wan," she told him softly. "I want my husband back."  
  
Obi-Wan nodded his accept to her silent capitulation. She would follow his directive and go into hiding. Not because she wanted to, but because she trusted him to bring her husband back to her. And if disappearing brought Anakin back to her arms, that was what she had to do.  
  
  
  
Two weeks later, Padmé was smuggled into a high security, low visibility home on Alderaan. She was disguised as a pregnant widow of little means whose husband had died in the clone war, as the war was becoming known. In a sense, the cover was all too real for comfort. She was easily established in one of the higher rooms, keeping her away from ground level, though she had run of the grounds if she wished it. There was a staff of four women, all old handmaidens to retired Queens of Naboo, and none of them would betray her. Settled in her new room, she looked out across the lush landscapes of the Anderaanian lower plains.  
  
Tears came to her eyes and she turned away. Grassy plains held too many memories of her time with Anakin. The reminders tugged on a heart that was already dying. If Anakin didn't return to her... she swallowed hard, moving to the bed and carefully laying down. He had to return, he just had to.  
  
  
  
Obi-Wan's voice, his words, resonated through her being like an explosion from a thermal detonator. Anakin is dead. She wanted to scream, the rage and throw things, demand that he take back the words. She didn't want to hear them, couldn't stand them, yet she was paralyzed. Her body went numb, loosing all feeling as she stared at him, her mouth slightly open. She couldn't move. Couldn't breathe. Her heart was broken, shattered. She felt it stop, felt it crack and implode in her breast as the words echoed through her mind. Anakin was dead.  
  
"Padmé..."  
  
She held up one hand, unable to deal with his sympathy. She would be giving birth to Anakin's children next month and their father was dead. They'd never have the chance to know the fun-loving man who'd sired them. She closed her eyes, feeling the last of the pain begin to coalesce in the vicinity of where her heart would have been. Slowly, it seeped through her frame, beginning to deaden any feeling that was left. Ice stole over her heart, encasing it completely in a protective coating and blocking off her emotions from her rational mind. When she opened her eyes, she saw Obi-Wan recoil.  
  
Slowly, she rose to her feet, gently massaging her lower back, her feelings safely bottled away with her heart and love. Anakin was gone and with him, her willingness to live. Carefully she turned her back on Obi-Wan and settled herself on her bed. "Thank you, Master Kenobi." She told him quietly, her tone a clear dismissal.  
  
She heard him get slowly to his feet and leave the room. Her eyes stared sightlessly across the room at the blank wall and saw nothing. He was gone. He was truly gone. Slowly, she closed her eyes and curled around her round belly as far as she could. Anakin's legacy would be in his children and though they would never know their father, they would know love. But no man would ever come near enough to hurt her again. She was certain her heart would never recover from this tragedy. And she wasn't sure if she wanted it to. 


	14. Part 14

Nov 2002 Disclaimer 1: It all (SW) belong to Lucasfilm, I don't own it.  
  
Disclaimer 2: The song is by Martina McBride and I don't own that either :P I removed one line "It happens to alot of men" because it didn't fit in the context of the story.  
  
Part 14  
  
*Wrong Again.*  
  
Padmé lay back exhausted against the mess of blankets on her bed, Obi-Wan and a healer woman standing at the end. She'd just spent the last two days in labor and she was tired. Her whole body was one huge ache, but she didn't really register it. She still hadn't recovered from losing Anakin less than a month ago and physical pain meant little. It was the emotional that she couldn't bear.  
  
Obi-Wan stooped next to her and offered her his hand. "One last push, Padmé."  
  
She closed her eyes, accepting Obi-Wan's hand and doing as he said. With barely a sound, she bore down, almost biting through her lip and not caring. Obi-Wan's hand was fairly crushed in her grip. Her body heaved and there was a sudden feel of bliss as the second child was expelled from her body. She lay back against the pillows and Obi-Wan squeezed her hand in return. She didn't really want him here. She wanted Anakin; Anakin deserved to be beside her while she had his children, but that was impossible. She pushed the thoughts out of her mind. She wasn't sure she could think about him right now, in her mentally exhausted state, and stay in control.  
  
The sound of two infants crying suddenly filled the room and her eyes slowly opened. The healer woman, who was also a midwife, was in the process of cleaning the two children up. Obi-Wan sat on the edge of the bed next to her, his eyes dark with an emotion she couldn't read. Whatever it was, she made her recoil. "What's wrong, Obi-Wan?"  
  
He looked to where her children were being gently cared for before being brought to her. "You can't keep them both, Padmé."  
  
Adrenalin shot through her system and she sat almost upright before he caught her and held her down to the bed. "What?" her voice was a whisper of shock. Not keep the twins? Unable to stop them, the anger and tears rose at the same time. "You can't mean that, they're all I have left..." she choked, begging him with her eyes to say something, to tell her that he wasn't serious.  
  
She could read the sorrow in Obi-Wan's eyes. "The Emperor, our former Supreme Chancellor, is hunting for Jedi, Padmé. We have to go into hiding. He knows of your marriage to Anakin. If Anakin were to have children, they could threaten him. He's going to be searching for you, to ensure that you haven't. If he finds you with the twins..."  
  
She turned her face away, unable to bear the thoughts. Be separated from her children? Tears stung her eyes and she shook her head. "No. Obi-Wan, please..." she turned back to him, reduced to begging. She couldn't lose her children! "Anakin is... is..." she bit her lip, feeling the tears sliding down her cheeks and valiantly pushed on. "Anakin is de-dead. Don't make me give up the only pieces of him I have left."  
  
Obi-Wan gently brushed a strand of hair from her face. "I can't let you keep them both, Padmé. When they're old enough, they just might be able to save the galaxy from this menace. By that time, if the Emperor is still in power, he'll be old. Darth Vader, his apprentice, will have become complacent. Your children may be the galaxy's only hope, but if they're caught now..."  
  
The healer suddenly cleared her throat. "Would you like to see your children, m'lady?"  
  
Padmé held out her arms and the woman gently placed two tiny infants in her arms before quietly exiting the room. Tears pooled in her eyes again as she looked down at them. "Luke." She murmured softly, kissing the small boy on the top of his head. He already resembled his father; she could see a hint of Anakin's strong features and it made her want to cry. Luke would be his father's son. She turned her head and placed a kiss on the crown of her daughter's head. "And Leia." She turned her eyes to Obi-Wan, the children sleeping soundly, and her heart clenched.  
  
"You can't keep them both, Padmé."  
  
She bowed her head. She knew that, but how could she give one of them up? She looked at her sleeping children and gently laid Luke on her lap. Leia was placed on the bed beside her. She picked up her son, inspecting him closely, her throat closing. Luke. She hugged him, but not too tightly, "Mommy loves you, my darling," she whispered softly. She held him for several minutes before looking at Obi-Wan again. He had a heavier blanket in his hands and she gently placed her son inside, the Jedi wrapping him snugly. Tears slid down her cheeks as she looked at the two. "Where will you take him?"  
  
"It's better that you don't know. You can never see him again, Padmé. Not until the Emperor has been defeated."  
  
She closed her eyes. "Go, just go. Promise me you'll look out for him."  
  
"You have my word. Goodbye, Padmé."  
  
She opened her eyes when she heard the door close and wondered if her heart could break anymore. She picked Leia up and cradled her daughter while she cried for her son. Leia would have to be protected. Her daughter would grow up knowing nothing of Jedi or the Force, she would make sure she knew she was loved, and if necessary, marry again to protect her. But until that day came, she simply wanted to hold her daughter and never let her go.  
  
  
  
Several weeks later she was sitting in the garden, Leia in her arms, as she sung softly to the infant. Leia was sleeping soundly, her angelic face, so reminiscent of her own, yet holding a few features of Anakin's, relaxed in a contented smile. Tears pooled in her eyes and she blinked them back. Was Luke alright? She hoped so. Obi-Wan would look out for him.  
  
"M'lady?"  
  
She looked up, seeing one of the women standing in the garden entrance. "Yes?"  
  
"You have a visitor."  
  
She blinked. Visitor? Oh, yes, Bail must have come by again. She sighed. Bail Organa. Now there was an enigma if she'd ever met one. However, he was good for getting her mind off her problems and he was a good friend. "Show him in, Ganaé."  
  
She nodded and left, returning a few minutes later with a tall, handsome man. Dark hair with green, smiling eyes, Bail Organa painted a classic picture. Padmé didn't get to her feet from her chair, but managed to find a smile for him. Bail was always a welcome distraction.  
  
His long legs ate up the ground between them and she saw the gentle, almost reverent smile he always used with her. Or had since her pregnancy had come to his attention. Knowing as he did that her husband was gone; he'd made it a point to be there for her. She'd hated him for it at first, but the last six weeks would have been impossible to get through without him. Padmé had never realized exactly how cut off she'd been from people until Bail had come into her life again. "Bail. It's good to see you."  
  
He dropped to one knee next to her, a smile on his face. "Padmé. You look lovely, as always. Leia is doing well, I hope?"  
  
She nodded, gently shifting the baby in her arms so that Bail could see her. A genuine smile, if somewhat sad, crossed her face as Bail gently stroked her daughter's cheek. "Have you spoken to Obi-Wan, Bail?"  
  
Bail nodded. "I did. The Emperor is close to finding you, even though we've tried everything to throw him off track. Without a husband, he'll know that Leia is..."  
  
Padmé's smile died and she bowed her head, looking down at her daughter. Palpatine, the man she'd helped put in power, wanted to destroy her life. She almost laughed. It had been destroyed when Anakin had been taken from her, now he could only destroy the pieces.  
  
"Padmé."  
  
She looked up, seeing Bail's serious expression. "What is it?"  
  
"I know you're not ready to marry again, and that several stipulations regarding physical contact would have to be ensured, but I'd like you to consider me as your best choice."  
  
She recoiled instantly. Marry Bail? Her rational mind, once again in control, gave her pause. Was that such a bad thing? She could claim that Leia was his, and Bail could teach her everything she needed to know from a father figure. Yet, marry Bail? She wasn't ready for that, may never be ready for it, but he was offering a marriage in name only, to protect her daughter. Would that be so bad? She lifted her head, meeting his gaze reluctantly. "Why would you do this?"  
  
His smile was soft. "I have a soft spot for children. I would love Leia as if she were my own, Padmé. She'd have both a mother and a father in her life to guide her down her chosen path. Consider it, please? That's all I ask. I simply want to protect the two of you."  
  
She swallowed hard. "And you won't push me?"  
  
He shook his head. "No, Padmé, I won't. You're not ready for anything beyond friendship, you may never be, but I can accept that. I love you and I respect you too much to ask for something you're not ready to give. Maybe one day you'll come to me as more than a friend, but if that days is ever to happen, I want you to do it freely and openly, without this grief."  
  
Tears slid down her cheeks and she found a smile for him, reaching out an arm and sobbed softly as he pulled her and Leia into a gentle hug. His touch didn't affect her in the same way Anakin's had, it was too familiar, too gentle, to have much of an effect. Yet, it was secure. In Bail's arms she found security and the promise of a future she might never have had. She nodded once. "I will marry you Bail."  
  
He smiled, placing a gentle kiss on her cheek. "Thank you, Padmé, I promise you won't regret it."  
  
Leia woke then, ending their discussion as Padmé excused herself. She would marry Bail and accept his offer for protection. And maybe, just maybe, she'd be able to recover from her broken heart.  
  
It took two years, but Padmé eventually came to love Bail in her own way. As a friend and protector. They never shared a bed; it wasn't something she was sure she could handle, but Bail proved to be a most adoring and attentive husband and father. He treated her daughter like his own, true to his promise, and loved her devotedly. Her heart never truly mended from the damage Anakin's death and desertion had caused, but she'd recovered enough to enjoy life to a degree. If anyone noticed she seemed excessively sad in such a happy marriage they never spoke of it.  
  
Fin.  
  
*********  
  
Author's Note: I'm really sorry about writing such a sad fic, but it seemed fitting. It was one of those "I have to write it now" kind of stories that just happened while listening to a song. They, unfortunately, give me writer's block on everything else. Strange that.  
  
Thank you for reading, and please R/R! I'd love to hear your thoughts about this!  
  
Jade_Max 


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